Jumping Back In

I have a secret to tell. Are you ready?


I haven't been to church since before we found out we were expecting.


As ashamed as I am to reveal that to whoever reads this, the shame in my heart goes much deeper. I was not raised to avoid church, and I do not want to. We have a beautiful, loving church family and I know that a lot of them wonder where we are and if everything is okay.

Everything is peachy. My life is beautiful and I am blessed beyond measure. So why am I avoiding church, running from my Father's house, when I should be there praising Him for all the good and wonderful things He's done for me?

I couldn't answer that for a while, but now I can. At first, I used the "I'm in my first trimester, so I'm tired" excuse. But I see now why I don't want to be there: attention.

That's right, I, who can openly share most things via this blog, am painfully shy and withdrawn in person. I know that I will get attention for being pregnant and I don't want it. Isn't that a terrible thing to say? But there it is. I understand that pregnancy is a miracle and that everyone wants to rejoice in the miracle, but the attention that miracle brings me is crippling. All this and I'm not even showing yet!

All I can do right now is pray, get over it, and trust God to help me get through this Sunday, which is going to be my first Sunday back in a long while. The little one inside of me will be able to hear outside noise in a few weeks. I don't know how much he or she will hear, but I want to give my child the chance to hear the beauty of worship and the Word of God being spoken every Sunday in the womb and forever thereafter.

I ask you sincerely, please pray for me. I am terrified of going on Sunday, but I know that I need to fellowship with brothers and sisters in Christ, I know that I need to hear the Word of God preached, and I KNOW that I need to be in my Father's house every Sunday (at the very least).

Thank you for reading and have a blessed weekend!!