Making Time for Marriage

"This is my lover, this my friend."  Song of Songs 5:16

 

I am a parent now, but first I was a wife.  God has called MM and I into marriage together, but He never said it would be an easy road to walk down.  I truly believe that nothing that is worth having comes easy.  Marriage has its ups and downs, no matter how you look at it.  Adding children to the mix, even a perfect little angel like our Bunny, only magnifies the lows, blows the highs off the charts, and sometimes makes it hard to focus on marriage.

God intends for our spouses to be our best friends.  While I love my best girlfriend dearly, she has nothing on the friendship MM and I share.  He knows me better than anyone here on earth does and that goes both ways.  Obviously, though, best friends can't maintain that friendship if they don't spend time with each other. I hear, read, and see it all the time; husband and wife look at each other one day and realize they don't know the other person because they've spent the last 5, 10, 15 plus years chasing after kids, working their tails off, or pursuing their own interests.  Even MM and I, who were without children and far from friends and family for SIX years started to fall into the all-too common trap of forgetting to really know each other.  We flat out REFUSE to let that happen to us ever again.

So, how do you maintain your friendship with your spouse in the midst of all the craziness that life throws at us?  Now, I am by no means any kind of expert and this is certainly not going to work for everyone, but this is how MM and I do it.

1. Date your spouse.  At least once a month, more if you can swing it.  Dates don't have to be expensive, or even take up a considerable amount of time.  MM and I sneak them in by:
• going to lunch together a few days a month while Bunny is at daycare during the work week.  An hour of alone time over a good meal does wonders for a marriage. 
• going on dates WITH Bunny.  I know this won't work forever, but she's small enough now that she doesn't interrupt us, but she's also big enough now that she can occupy herself for thirty minutes to an hour at a time.  Just last night, MM took his ladies out to dinner and Bunny sat quietly the entire time while MM and I had conversation reminiscent of our first dates together.
• having "dates" at home.  Sometimes we just can't get away or can't afford a sitter, so we order a pizza, camp out in the living room, and have a date by just working around Bunny's needs.
• once a month we will find a sitter, or employ visiting family, and go out to a nice dinner or maybe even catch a movie or head to the bar for a drink or two.
2. God calls us to, "...look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others" (Philippians 2:4).  Every once in a while, take an interest in what your spouse is interested in.  MM and I are fortunate in that a lot of our interests are already shared interests.  There are a few things that each of us does, however, that the other one isn't always involved in.  I'm not saying to go hog wild and jump head first into something you've never considered doing before, but it is a good idea to listen when your spouse is passionate about something, ask questions, and maybe, just maybe, give whatever they love to do a try.  You never know!  You might love it, too!
3. Put your marriage first.  Bottom line.  Don't let outside influences like children, work, family, hobbies, and etc. interfere with the building up of your marriage.  
4. Talk it out.  Our spouses should be the first person we go to for advice, support, and even just friendly conversation.  If you have a big dilemma, or experience emotional distress of any kind, and your spouse isn't the first person you think to go to, something unhealthy is at work in your marriage.  Talk it out and fix it.
5. Laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh.  Throughout high school, my favorite thing about my best friend and I was that we could laugh at anything, including each other and ourselves.  We had fun when we were together and were able to be completely goofy in front of each other without hesitation.  That's how every day with your spouse should be, in my opinion.  Marriage isn't always fun and games, but the bad times are usually the minority, depending on how you view your circumstances.  Even when the bad times come, MM and I do our best to have fun together.  We laugh until we cry and we're not embarrassed in the least to be as silly as we want to be. 
6. Study the Word together.  God's Word is a firm foundation to build a marriage on.  Study it together and you won't go wrong.
7. Love unconditionally.  It's not a hard concept, but it is hard to do.  Don't put expectations on your spouse and judge them when they don't live up to them.  Love without question.  Love without judgement.  Love the way we're loved by our Heavenly Father.

So there you have it.  MM and I by no means have a perfect marriage, but we have a happy marriage.  We show each other love by doing all of the above.  I know MM loves me because I see that he doesn't let our marriage just "be".  I see him stepping out of his comfort zone to work on it on a daily basis, and I hope he can say the same for me.  

Please, please, dear readers, put effort into your marriage.  Our throw-away society has applied it's throw-away philosophy to marriage, and far too many are ending up in divorce when all it takes is a little effort from husband and wife.  Marriage is one of the most blessed, joyous facets of life, and it can be that way for every one on this earth, if we're just willing to take our marriage vows seriously and put in the work.