This Blessed Life

Excuse me for this post.  I promise it will be a long one.  I have SO much to reflect on right now.

You know "Monica" on the show "Friends"?  I've been told I resemble her in my personality.  I'm a bit of a neat freak.  If the house isn't a certain way, well, let's just say that I'm not very pleasant to be around.  I have spent many of my free moments scrubbing something that someone scrubbed before me (usually MM) because it wasn't scrubbed "my way".

I've changed.

Why? How?

God's Grace.

In the past few weeks I've learned that the little moments are going to slip by me, never to return again, if I don't pay attention to them.  The house will be just fine if it's not dusted regularly, but I will forever regret missing special moments with my family.  For now I will let the dust bunnies live under my furniture, allow the floors to get a bit scuffed, and let the closets and drawers fall into a bit of disarray, especially if it means more special moments with our little girl.

Now, don't get me wrong.  We aren't living in filth; you know I would never allow that!  MM and I grab the broom or the vacuum when we see that the dust bunnies are getting brave enough to venture out from under the furniture, we always have clean clothes to wear, (well, almost always), and we keep the dishes done every day.  But the big picture is that now I have let go of the desire for an OCD abode in favor of cuddles on the couch, giggles on the floor, and messy feeding sessions with strained peas flying everywhere.  

Bunny will never remember that the house was a bit messy, but she will remember if I'm not there for her.  God showed me that.  And I am so thankful to Him for it.  It is a shame that some of us need to be taught that lesson, but I do believe that those of us with OCD tendencies come by it honestly.  We are hard-wired to want things a certain way.  We need order in our surroundings to have order in our brains.  There is honestly and truly only one way that those tendencies will fall into the recesses of our minds in favor of the more important things of this world.  Want to know what it is?

God.

I've been there and done that.  I've tried to deal with my anxiety and tendency towards depression on my own and even through peer and professional counseling.  I've spent many a night fighting with myself over whether or not it's too "crazy" to go wash all those dishes in spite of it being 3:00 a.m., even though I know I won't sleep if it's not done nor will I care if I get made fun of for it.  Nothing exists on this earth that can change me.  It is only through God's grace that I am able to let go of what doesn't matter and focus on what does.

In the end, though, I certainly don't look at it as having let my house go.  I have opened up my heart to experiencing my world fully.  The house will keep.  My little Bunny will not.

Such a beautiful girl!

My favorite smile in the world!

So much love between a Daddy and his princess!

This IS the life!

Our cowgirl princess!

Eating her first whole fruit - an apple spear.

Just chillin' with her sippy cup after dinner!