Day Twelve; Whatever Tickles Your Fancy

I've spent a lot of time thinking about what to post for this prompt of the 30-Day Meme. Of course, it's obvious that I haven't gotten this done in 30 days, but it is nice to have a prompt. I'm not crazy about these "Whatever Tickles Your Fancy" ones, though. It means that I have to come up with a topic all on my own. The easy way out would be to just post some pics and comments from our trip to NM last week, but I'm not feeling that right now. Plus, all the pics are on a different computer and I really don't want to take the time to download each one from FB. So, what to write about, hmmmmm.

I think that the biggest thing I'm dealing with right now is my identity. I'm finding that I'm having trouble to fit in where I am. You would think, that after living here for four years, I would have found something. A niche to fill, ONE friend, anything. I haven't been able to. I'm not sure what the problem is, but most likely, it starts with my anti-social tendencies. But, I still keep finding things to deter socialization. Maybe it's my own lack of confidence or maybe it's the fact that we don't fit into any "mold" I've come across in our tiny town. At our age, being childless is rare out here and it, quite frankly, KILLS me to be around kids too much. The people we do share the same religious/political views with are all much older than us, and the ones we felt most comfortable with have turned into some of the most toxic people I've ever been around. Sometimes I feel like it's because I'm, maybe we're, too weird. I could make a looooong list of all the things about us that seem to cause a fundamental rift between us and the rest of this town's society, but I don't think anyone would want to read it.

I know that God is working on changes in our lives. We are doing our best to continually seek His will over our own. I think the biggest issue I have right now is that I am an insecure person. I fear that I will be rejected when someone finds out just how twisted I am. The other side to that is, I am NOT going to change who I am to please anyone. So long as I feel I'm working inside God's will, I will not compromise the twisted person I am to please anyone or any organization or any church. I admit that I fall short, all the time, but I am confident that my personal theology is mine and is right for me and God has blessed me with a loving husband who's personal theology is the same.

For now, I guess, I am going to have to find comfort in my Father's arms and know that being a child of His puts me in great company with some equally twisted souls. I have a loving husband and a wonderful long-distance family that treasures who I am. One of these days, I'll get out there and hunt down the right girl-friend to be in my life. Someone who shares my interests and quirks and who will lift me up instead of bringing me down. I will do my best to return the favor when the time comes.